Friday, December 26, 2025

Greyhawk Ruins

I didn't really know what this module was when it first came out. I remember seeing it on the shelf at the store but when I got into AD&D the first campaign I played was Dragonlance and the first campaign I DMed was Forgotten Realms, so the Greyhawk campaign world just looked like generic-but-older fantasy from my viewpoint.

To this day I don't really get Greyhawk.

It was the first campaign setting, it was Gygax'es world, it was where all of the canonical lore for AD&D's spells and outer planes originated from and I get why all of that is important to most grognards. But in 1989 my teenager brain didn't find it all that interesting. These days I look at Greyhawk and I still see a kind of generic fantasy steeped in American sensibilities. It seems saccharine and simplistic, but I can respect it.

I bought the pdf for Greyhawk Ruins because it's a published megadungeon and it seems to draw out wildly different reactions from people based on their personal investment with the Greyhawk setting. I wanted to read it for myself and it was pretty cheap. I used store credit at drivethruRPG which nice readers like yourself have supplied by clicking my links to DriveThruRPG before purchasing products there.

So, what is this module?
Gary Gygax had a notorious megadungeon that he pulled his original group of D&D gamers through and there are many apocryphal and amusing anecdotes about this dungeon, and commonly when people discuss this megadungeon they refer to it as Castle Greyhawk even though in reality it was likely not actually called this by Gygax or any of the players in his group. Supposedly. Who knows? The original Castle Greyhawk has a lot of weird and wild stories about it. You can read about some of them at Hack & Slash, Zenopus Archives, and Power Score and Power Score again
The Power Score blog in particular has TONS of links to more information!

Castle Greyhawk received a module, though it was mostly humorous nonsense, and many people don't consider it an "official" adventure since it materialized after Gygax was ousted from his own company. I've flipped through it, but I don't own a copy of it so I've never been able to sit down and properly read it.

At the beginning of AD&D's 2nd edition era every campaign setting got tentpole releases and for Greyhawk the flagship release was Greyhawk Ruins, a module that details the dungeons beneath what once was Castle Greyhawk. The castle was composed of three towers and has collapsed or been destroyed in some vaguely handwaved ways that leaves no rubble on the ground and didn't somehow also collapse the tower-like cave structures beneath the castle.

Seriously?
Yes, seriously. One of the towers is said to have had ONE HUNDRED floors, yet when it collapsed it somehow left the first floor free of debris.

Are you going to review this module?
That's what this post is. As a whole I don't like this module very much. It's filled with crappy ideas and poor setups and would not be fun to play through as written. There are a few good ideas hidden away in the thing but ultimately I don't think it's worth the time scouring the thing for them.

I've read through it and I found most of it pretty boring. It's an interesting little post-Gygaxian artifact of Greyhawk but I didn't find it essential to anything about the Greyhawk setting. The complaints I've seen of the adventure online tend to be accurate. However, when people talk about the story I get confused because there doesn't seem to be absolutely any story here.

The adventure is written with the assumption that the PCs are here to loot as much as possible, and are possibly in competition with other people who are here to loot the ruins, but no plotline exists to push PCs into the dungeon. There's a list of rumors to drop into your campaign, but these are given with the phrase "The truth or falsehood of these rumors is left undefined as they often have elements of both."

There are sometimes explanations for why a particular creature lives in a particular room or how this NPC will react if the PCs follow a course of action, but I consider that proper window dressing for a dungeon. There's just enough information to know as the GM what's going on and to relay the proper amount of information to the players. The descriptions for rooms are concise and compact, explaining everything in very brief but often exhaustive details. It's put together efficiently, but it doesn't seem like a very fun place to explore. It reads as a tedious environment.

Here's a cutaway map of the levels and how they connect together.


Okay, why does it suck?
Let's ignore the fact that none of these "towers" have stairwells, or remnants of stairwells, leading upwards. You got that? There is no evidence that were ever stairs going UP! That's pretty important for the first floor of a tower that once had one-hundred floors. But whatever, this was clearly not written for somebody who asks logical questions.

There are also NPCs that are described as potential allies for the PCs, they are clearly meant to be befriended, who often have more treasure than the places the PCs are going into. Why bother dungeon delving for jewels when you could murder-death-kill these hapless helpers for their bags of loot?

This module could be forgiven for being written during that time when TSR was transitioning from 1st edition AD&D into 2nd edition AD&D. There are pages of stat blocks for monsters that seem to be compensating for a lack of an official monster manual.

And that is all you really need to know. You can stop reading now unless you want to know, in exhaustive detail, what is good and usable (very little) and what is bad and unfun (most of it).

What's bad
• On one level, the PCs are going to encounter troglodytes right away, and even though when entering this level the hall splits into three directions the PCs are surely going to follow down the path where the troglodytes are laired. Which leads to a fun house / death maze which is filled with carnival clown faces that curse and kill PCs who look at them. The whole maze is ridiculous, stupid, and pointless.
• The first real encounter at the "tower of power" is a scripted fight between some elves and an ettin. Though the module instructs you to play this like a real battle it also literally tells you "let the ballista automatically hit and score maximum damage"
• There is a locked door that is described "with a lock that can never be picked nor even knocked as it is not a true lock." So this is just here to waste the PCs time, and there are A LOT of things like this throughout the dungeon. I don't want to write them all out, just reading them is exhausting.
• There's a trap that releases poison sleeping gas into a chamber then tries to trick the PCs into staying in the chamber to hide from some soldiers, except the illusion involved uses game terminology and I've never ran a dungeoncrawl where the PCs tried to avoid violence.

What's good
• In one room you find the deed to a tavern, which must be validated by an item (a magical key) on the 9th level (excuse me, P900 - weird numbering system in full effect). This is a promising item by itself because I could think of quite a few adventures around trying to claim the tavern using the deed, but sadly very little detail is put into this. Even the magical key is explained as opening a secret door in the tavern, but nothing else. So, sorta badly written and unnecessarily convoluted but still a good idea.
• There are a couple of secret rooms which read to me like secret sex ritual chambers, or rooms for orgies.
• There's a whole section of rooms with kobolds occupying them that are given about 4 paragraphs total. Very light on details, but enough that you could probably wing it. One of the things this module does that I really like is exemplified by the elven fortress and these camping kobolds. It gives a number for an area of rooms and describes a group of connected characters that are occupying the area, then gives individual rooms letter designations so you can decide for yourself where these characters are and what they might be doing when the PCs arrive. It's quick and dirty, but not very elegant since some room elements are never expanded upon.
• There's an artifact on the first level that is basically a GPS that requires magic to read. It's quaint.

I was going to write out more, but I hate that it's even occupying my brain this much.

Final verdict
Don't buy it. But if you buy it, just get it to read how bad it is.

Sunday, October 5, 2025

Healing Potions Are Dumb (and how I fix them)

Edit: My first and only experiment with AI. I used AI to create the images in this post. I fed my essay to the Google Gemini and asked it to make an image based on what I had written. I didn't like the first image very much (at the bottom) so I asked it for a second abstract image and got this one (at the top).

I don’t like healing potions in most tabletop role-playing games because they feel too random and inefficient. Picture this: you're playing a first-level fighter in D&D, let's say you have the max 10 hit points, and if you get hit badly you might lose 8 of those hit points and be down to 2. You say "I take my healing potion!" and the DM says "Roll a D6." and then you roll a 1. Fuck that.
 
In every edition of D&D you’ll have rules about natural healing, in Basic D&D it was only 1d3 hp healed with a full day's rest, but a lot of people house rule that. In the first game I played the DM had a houserule that your character recovered their level plus their Constitution bonus back in hit points every time you slept. However, resting for 8 hours in 5th edition D&D will heal you back to full hit points! That means that a healing potion is garbage.
 
These supposedly magical, life-saving elixirs are less effective than taking a nap. That's not magic, that's homeopathy.

The randomness is insulting at every level. Sure, you might roll well and get 6-8 HP back from a standard potion (2d4+2 in 5th Edition). Or you might get 4. Or 3. For something you paid good gold for, something that takes your entire action in combat to use, this variability is maddening. It's like ordering a pizza and having the restaurant roll a d8 to decide how many slices you should get.

Earlier editions of D&D are stingier. 1st edition only allows you to heal 1 hit point per day (modified by your Constitution bonus). 2nd edition increases this to 3 hit points per day. 3rd edition finally caught up to my first DM's houserule though without a Con bonus, but also added the Heal skill which allowed characters to double this rate of healing or even recover lost ability points. Still better than a potion!

The Video Game Problem: Death By A Thousand Potions

 Now let's talk about video game RPGs, where the problem somehow gets worse.

In games like Baldur's Gate 3, you don't have a scarcity problem but a hoarding problem. Your inventory becomes a graveyard of healing consumables: Lesser Potions, Standard Potions, Greater Potions, Superior Potions, Supreme Potions, Healing Tinctures, Elixirs of Health, and probably seventeen varieties I'm forgetting because I never use them.

Why? Because once you have a healer with Healing Word (a bonus action spell), potions become redundant. But you keep looting them. You keep buying them "just in case." You keep sorting through your inventory trying to remember which color bottle is which tier. Meanwhile, you're hauling around 43 Superior Potions "for the final boss" that you'll never actually use because you'll be too busy hoarding them for an even more final boss.

It's the hoarder's dilemma meets inventory management hell. Video games shower you with so many healing items that they become meaningless clutter rather than precious resources. If you've played Skyrim then I wonder how many cheese wheels you have in your home.

 To be fair, some games have figured this out:

Dark Souls and Elden Ring nailed it with the Estus Flask and Flask of Crimson Tears, respectively. You have a fixed number of charges that heals a specific amount of health which will automatically refill whenever you rest. No inventory clutter. No decision paralysis. Just a reliable healing resource that you will run out of if you're not careful. It's elegant, it's clean, it works.

Modern Final Fantasy made healing items weak in combat but great for post-battle recovery, encouraging you to actually use them instead of hoarding them forever.

The Witcher series said "screw healing potions" and made preparation-based elixirs that give you combat buffs instead. Not a healing solution, but at least it's interesting, if only useful once you've died to the monsters a few times while trying to figure out what works best.

Baldur's Gate 3 tries to help by making potions a bonus action and allowing you to throw them for AoE healing (which is genuinely funny to me), but you still end up with inventory bloat.

Make Potions Powerful But Scarce

Here's my proposal, and it's beautifully simple:

A healing potion should restore you to full HP. And it should cost a fortune.

Think about it. If a potion gives you a complete, guaranteed recovery from near-death suddenly:

  • It feels magical. No more "I drank liquid starlight and got 3 HP back." This is a miracle in a bottle.
  • It's worth using your action. Trading your turn to go from 2 HP to full? That's a legitimate tactical decision, not a desperate gamble.
  • Scarcity becomes a balancing mechanism. Price it at 500 gold or more. Make merchants stock one per month. Suddenly players aren't carrying a dozen potions each; they're carrying one, maybe two for the whole party. And the decision of when to use it becomes genuinely tense. In games that I run I never even have magic items for sale, you need to quest for something like this or spend weeks crafting it.
  • It creates memorable moments. "Remember when Sarah used the last potion to save Marcus from the dragon?" is a better story than "Remember when I rolled another 2 on a healing potion?"

This is the same philosophy Magic: The Gathering uses with powerful cards. Don't make them weak and common; make them strong and rare. Let the scarcity be the balance.


The Ripple Effects Are All Good

This approach creates better gameplay across the board (no pun intended). 

  • There's no inventory bloat. You're not managing seventeen tiers of healing items since you have the healing potion.
  • There's strategic depth as the party has to decide collectively who carries the precious potion and when it gets used. 
  • Narrative weight is added to treasure. Finding or earning a healing potion feels like an event, not routine loot drop #72.

Healing potions should be the nuclear option. Rare, powerful, and respected. Not a slot machine you carry forty of. Not a worse alternative to sleeping. Not something you forget about in your inventory until you're cleaning up before the final boss.

Make them magical. Make them matter. Make them good.

Wednesday, August 20, 2025

d100 secret doors

This post is a continuation of <a href="https://crateredland.blogspot.com/2025/07/conspicuous-secret-doors.html">this post</a> where Velexiraptor originally post <i>the first 20</i> secret doors.

 Here they are again:

  1. Tapestry/rug conceals door/trapdoor.
  2. Bookshelf slides away when false book “The Secret Way” pulled.
  3. Brick sticks out of the wall. Pushing it back in opens a hidden door.
  4. Wind blows through room from an illusionary wall.
  5. Furniture piled against wall, concealing regular door.
  6. Discolored plaster on wall seals up former doorway.
  7. Grimy statue with polished bits often moved to open a secret door behind it.
  8. Obvious lever opens a secret door elsewhere. Gears, ropes, and pulleys connect the two through buried channel in floor; rat-sized creatures can traverse it with ease.
  9. Lighting an unlit torch causes nearby wall to swing open. 
  10. Keyhole on wall, but door is well concealed and key is kept elsewhere.
  11. Secret door left open by inhabitants who recently passed through.
  12. Ivy has grown over the walls and doors, concealing any difference between the two.
  13. A fireplace burns, but the room doesn’t fill with smoke. Where does the chimney go?
  14. Water leaks into the room from beneath a secret door.
  15. Brick pattern changes to allow a secret door to hinge.
  16. Carved relief with socketed gems is a secret door. Pushing gems opens door, removing gems triggers trap.
  17. Raised pressure plate opens secret door, but only while plate is held down.
  18. Obvious door opens to brick wall. That wall is a secret door.
  19. Pool of water conceals underwater entrance to another room.
  20. Dark rafters conceal door high up in room.

 

And here are mine (some of these I stole from books/movies):

  1. Mirror reflects room while the real room has a bare wall where the reflection shows a doorway.
  2. Hourglass on pedestal - turning it upside down opens a door for exactly one minute.
  3. Musical notes carved into wall - playing the correct tune opens the door.
  4. Chess/checkers board - moving pieces to recreate a famous game position opens secret door.
  5. Weathervane spins freely - pointing it in the correct direction opens nearby door.
  6. Bell rope hangs from ceiling - pulling it in a specific sequence (long-short-long-short) opens door.
  7. Sundial casts shadow - moving the gnomon to point at a specific hour opens the door.
  8. Prayer wheel or spinning mechanism - rotating it a precise number of times opens door.
  9. Scales of justice - balancing them with specific weights opens the door.
  10. Candelabra with moveable arms - arranging candles in correct pattern opens door.
  11. Abacus beads - sliding them to show a specific number opens door.
  12. Wind chimes hang silent - striking them in correct order creates door-opening melody.
  13. Compass points to magnetic north - rotating it to point at true north opens door.
  14. Astrolabe or armillary sphere - adjusting it to show a specific celestial configuration opens door.
  15. Spinning prayer cylinder - stopping it at exactly the right symbol opens door.
  16. Mechanical clock face - setting hands to a specific time opens door.
  17. Stone dials with rotating rings - aligning symbols correctly opens door.
  18. Pendulum swings endlessly - stopping it at the right moment opens door.
  19. Combination lock with symbols instead of numbers opens door.
  20. Magic 8-ball or crystal sphere - asking it the right question opens door.
  21. Telescope points at wall - adjusting its angle to point at specific constellation marking opens door.
  22. Pulleys and counterweight system - adjusting weight distribution opens door.
  23. Balance beam tips left and right - achieving perfect balance opens door.
  24. Rotating barrel with symbols - aligning them correctly opens door.
  25. Hand crank requires specific number of turns - too few or too many triggers trap.

Environmental Camouflage (46-65)

  1. Moss and fungi growth patterns make door blend perfectly with natural cave wall.
  2. Dust accumulation is suspiciously even - the door has been cleaned recently.
  3. Spider webs stretch across what appears to be solid wall but is actually a door.
  4. Mineral deposits/stalactites hang in front of cave entrance.
  5. Wood grain pattern continues seamlessly across door and wall.
  6. Stone texture matches perfectly but mortar lines reveal door edges under close inspection.
  7. Paint or wallpaper pattern continues across hidden door.
  8. Rust stains and weathering on metal wall hide door seams.
  9. Carved reliefs and decorations make door invisible among ornate wall details.
  10. Fabric or leather wall covering conceals door underneath.
  11. Bricks sized differently - door bricks are actually wooden facades.
  12. Temperature difference - door area is slightly warmer/cooler due to air circulation.
  13. Sound echoes differently when tapped - door area sounds hollow.
  14. Scratches and scuff marks on floor reveal door's swing pattern.
  15. Air current creates subtle draft from crack under hidden door.
  16. Different stone composition - door is made of softer stone that wears differently.
  17. Magical illusion creates false wall - door is actually in plain sight.
  18. Mirrors create optical illusion - door appears to be part of reflected wall.
  19. Shadow play from lighting makes door invisible from certain angles.
  20. Trompe-l'oeil painting makes flat door appear to be architectural details.

Mechanical Triggers (66-85)

  1. Specific floorstone depressed - must step on exact spot while pulling hidden handle.
  2. Two triggers must be activated simultaneously by two different people.
  3. Weight-sensitive mechanism - door only opens when exactly the right amount of pressure is applied.
  4. Sequence of pressure plates must be stepped on in correct order.
  5. Rotating room or wall section - entire wall segment spins to reveal door.
  6. Tilting mechanism - pushing on one side of wall panel makes it rotate like a revolving door.
  7. Magnetic lock - only opens when specific metal object is brought near.
  8. Light beam must be broken in specific pattern to open door.
  9. Temperature trigger - door opens only when torch flame or heat source is applied.
  10. Vibration sensitive - door opens only when specific rhythm is tapped out.
  11. Air pressure mechanism - blowing into hidden pipe or horn opens door.
  12. Liquid trigger - pouring water or oil into hidden receptacle opens door.
  13. Electrical/magical circuit - completing connection between two points opens door.
  14. Counterbalance system - removing specific object from one location opens door elsewhere.
  15. Gear mechanism visible through grate - inserting rod and turning opens door.
  16. Pullchain hidden behind curtain or hanging fabric opens door.
  17. False bottom in container - removing it reveals button that opens door.
  18. Sliding panel puzzle - arranging tiles correctly opens door.
  19. Color sequence trigger - touching colored stones in correct order opens door.
  20. Breath-activated mechanism - speaking specific word or phrase into hidden speaking tube opens door.

Deceptive Constructions (86-100)

  1. Entire wall is actually a door - the "small door" visible is just decoration.
  2. Floor panel lifts up - what appears to be solid floor is actually trapdoor.
  3. Ceiling panel slides away - secret door is above, accessed by climbing.
  4. Multiple fake doors surround one real secret door.
  5. Door opens inward into wall cavity - appears to be solid when closed.
  6. Sliding door moves laterally instead of swinging open.
  7. Door is behind another door - opening obvious door reveals brick wall with hidden door.
  8. Revolving wall section - pushing causes entire wall section to rotate 180 degrees.
  9. Hinged floor section - trapdoor opens downward into lower level.
  10. False wall thickness - wall appears thick but is actually thin facade hiding door.
  11. Modular wall sections - entire wall panel can be removed and repositioned.
  12. Expandable/collapsible doorway - opening mechanism makes doorway grow larger.
  13. Curved door follows wall contour - blends with rounded or irregular wall shape.
  14. Multi-panel door - several wall sections must be moved in sequence.
  15. Gravity-operated door - tilting entire room or section causes door to swing open.

 

Thursday, May 8, 2025

more magic items for Cairn 2e

Bumper Key
This key will fit into any lock. Turning it to the left turns the threshold of the door into a portal that allows people to walk through the threshold of another door where the key was last turned to the right. Using the key alerts the Key Master and they will pursue the user of the key until the user is slain and the key has been retrieved.

Moonflower Soil
1 charge
Placed in a regular plant pot, a Nightflower the size of a human grows out of the pot as soon as sun sets. The Nightflower will vigorously and savagely guard the area it is in until the rays of the sun touch its leaves, at which time it crumbles to dust leaving a pile of soil wherever its head lays.
Recharge: The soil left by the Nightflower must be kept out of sunlight for 2 full days.

the Bit and Bridle of the Loyal Horse
When the bit and bridle are place upon the head of a dead horse it rises back to life, its flesh and skin searing off and leaving only skeletal remains in a clearly undead state. When the holder of the reins whispers the name of a town, village, city, or other named settlement the now undead horse will carry the holder, or alternatively a single rider already seated upon the undead horse's back, to that destination. The horse moves at a gallop, but not dangerously, and always follows established roads or trails if they are available, but the undead horse will not stop until it reaches the named location. Upon arrival, the horse collapses into dust.

Mask of the Song
When the wearer of the mask sings, any who can see them will hear their singing clearly as if they are next to the wearer. If the Ballad of the Red Witch is sung in its entirety then the Red Witch possesses the wearer of the mask until someone else within earshot sings the Lullaby of the Red Witch.

Moonfire Armor
+2 Armor, bulky
When the wearer takes Critical Damage then the armor ignites with magical flame. This fire doesn't hurt the wearer of the armor, but anyone touching (or attacking) the wearer takes d6 damage from proximity.

Ghostskin Amulet
2 charges
Upon activation, the wearer takes 6 points of STR damage as if their HP had already been reduced to zero, but for the next 2 rounds of combat they become invulnerable to all other types of damage.
Recharge: Place the amulet around the neck of a corpse, give them a proper burial, then after two days have passed rob the amulet from the grave.

Armor of the Ghost Flame
+2 Armor
The armor glows from a faint bluish fire that gives off no heat even when it is not being used. While it is worn the armor attracts ghosts and spirits that only the wearer can see.

Saturday, April 26, 2025

magic items for Cairn 2e

Mordax Necklace
Total HP reduced by -1 while worn, but all attacks inflict +1 damage.

Lofty Ring
1 charge
Wearer can jump 10 feet straight up or 20 feet across.
Recharge: The ring must be thrown to, and caught by, someone more than 20 feet away.

Katarina's Dagger
Even when impaired, the wielder of this dagger rolls d12 for damage.

Mask of the Saber Tooth
While worn, enemies must make a Morale check every time the wearer attacks.

Captain's Armor
+1 Armor, bulky
When the wearer is swimming or underwater, this armor takes up no inventory slots.

Silver Crystal Amulet
1 charge
An attack that would cause the wearer to lose STR is reflected back upon the attacker.
Recharge: Swallow a silver coin. Every time the wearer has swallowed a number of coins equal to their STR their STR is permanently lowered by 1.

Angelic Ring
After reducing by armor, divide damage by 3 (round up).

Helm of the Cyclops
+1 Armor, bulky
Roll damage twice, keeping the best result. Every time the wearer attacks they must make a WIL save or the helm falls off their head, able to be picked up by anyone within reach.

Draconic Armor
3 Armor

Diamond Sword
d10 damage
The sword glitters, in any environment other than complete darkness the wielder is the main target for enemies' attacks.